Undiscovered

Some more than others and some.. well... Lesser.

Why can't I just be hedonistic for once and stop giving.

I want to be selfish.

I'm really tired of seeing so many details but detail is all I can see.

I look at trees swaying in the breeze and think them one of the most beautiful sights on Earth. 

But people probably think me stupid because I don't have an ounce of logic in me. 

Everything is based on instinct.

And sometimes I judge too quickly and yeah, I look even dumber that way.

It's so hard to live with myself, it really is.

Maybe I'm tired of suffering.

When I asked God to teach me to be patient, I never thought His lesson would take this long.

And it's still ongoing.

I need to retire. I need a break and thank goodness the school semester is ending soon.

Shit, I need days off to listen, to breathe again, to read, to get away from the world.

I need my privacy. I have to stop living for the external and START TAKING CARE OF MY HEART.

GRAAAHHHHHH

Restless is this heart of mine :(

I know, i know, i know, it's only natural to be sad over things that don't go my way or wished them up to be.

I know grief should be superficial and joy the one and only thing that resides in me after you dig out all the black parts of my heart.

But I'm hurting. :( I really am.

And I don't want to tell you the truth because I fear.

It's not like me to fear anything, especially things like these.

But I guess I don't want anything to break.

Still, I'm not okay. 

I just want to rewind everything and make it all good again.

Sigh will you help me save this.

Am I even worth it.

My heart is fleeting and I am lukewarm.

God please don't spit me out.