Sometimes I stand around looking at cigarettes on the ground and wonder whose lips they touched and the lives behind them.
I'd want to know who was desperate for a cigarette that day, or had they asked for one from a stranger, and if they did, how did they approach them.
What were the conversations in between about? How did they handle the small talk if they chose to start it, since I'd consider asking for cigarettes a big favour.
Or was the one who proceeded with his/her request on his last stick, but still gave it away anyway?
I don't mind the fact that my father smokes two packs a day.
I want to know what he thought about with every inhale/exhale.
Did he brood more over his failures or his successes in life? He sits up for hours in the early morning and thinks about his past mistakes - I know this because I've asked him once. And we shared a moment of silence before going back to bed.
After all, Pa believes that after he dies, there will be a great Nothing.
No heaven, but maybe hell.
Maybe hell.

-

I saw someone familiar through my astigmatism and wasn't sure what he thought about me.
Would the first thing that popped into his head be a Bible verse or judgement?
My feet were freezing and I bolted soon after, not knowing what to make of the situation.
Wow, I am actually paranoid.
Next time, I should avoid the library and take the longer route outside.
The library closes at 9. Bye.

thank You

I am so blessed to be at Royal Holloway.
I'm really proud of myself for budgeting and eating well, and for doing good in my work.
Basically, I am pretty motivated at university. I guess the challenge is to always share my resources and to help anyone who is struggling to keep up. I can be so unhelpful sometimes.

I'm in a good mood.
I, I, I.

I have nothing else to say but thank You for being with me throughout.