FATHER, MAKE US ONE - JUNE FAMILY CAMP 2013
"I get tired of people."
I ascribe my tendency to slip away from friends to this simple truth D shared with me as we spoke in our hotel room at camp. That no matter the introvert/extrovert we may seem, we long to have our own space and time alone to rest. And when I say I tire, I often find that I must get away from people soon enough before I become subtly then finally, entirely annoyed with their mindsets and personalities. But I realised that it is also due to a lack of discipline, when I don't submit the thought before God the moment it enters my head. That when we say we love our friend, loving them doesn't just happen without our effort and in my terms, a whole lot of prayer.
This year I went to camp with an expectation to rest in the Lord's presence. I am still blown away by how God gave me the privilege to lie on 'quiet, green pastures' and to let Him free me from the cares and worries of our world. I think the speaker put it beautifully - that it was a 'divine appointment', set aside by God in this age of self-indulgence and rushing, acknowledging that His people hunger for Him and Him being God, who honors His people's commitments, met us there once again.
This time it wasn't in the desert. I felt like we were gathering as a people to drink from the fountain of living water.
I spoke to the bassist in our worship band today and he commented, "I heard camp was very Spirit-led." I wanted to say Yes a hundred times to that.
One particular experience that touched me was during one afternoon at camp, when I arrived at the workshop venue earlier than I was supposed to. The few members of the Chinese congregation were gathered there and because they had no guitarist, they sang to a soundtrack playing from the worship leader's phone. The members are roughly 60 to 70 years old, and when they lifted their hands up to worship, I couldn't help but feel tears streaming down my cheeks - and I wasn't afraid to let that happen. And the prayer of my heart was: Lord, I want my parents to know You, to worship You the way these elderly men and women do. Because seeing them raise their hands in surrender made all the difference. That there was no barrier, neither in language nor in the spiritual context; NOTHING could stand in their way as long as they wanted to worship Him with all their might and all their strength. The Spirit of God moved so strongly and I cherish that moment so much because they sought Him and He fell AFRESH upon them. And that scene right there made me think about Pa and Ma and how mere happiness and satisfaction by worldly standards cannot compare to the joy these men and women found in Jesus Christ. And you know what the beautiful thing is? That no matter how late in life they got to know Jesus, and no matter how much/little they worked in the vineyard, they are still entitled to receive that denarius that the vineyard owner promised - that they will receive equally and in full what the Lord has promised them.
I can't even describe how beautiful the name of Jesus sounds when either said, sung or declared in Chinese/Hokkien. Mm I really appreciated the fact that our worship team made the effort to include Chinese lyrics during our worship sessions throughout camp. I know most of the youths and the English congregation probably didn't understand nor could they make out the words, but having knowledge of what they meant blessed me greatly. To have two meanings of the same song, to sing as One church, with One voice.
God addressed every burden and every burning question I had at camp. He heard the cry of my heart and ministered to what I was sensitive + defensive about in the gentlest way ever.
I used to be envious of those whom God had revealed visions to - but I was reminded that when I stop looking for the spectacular and look to Him, why should I even doubt that His love is enough for me, EVEN when He doesn't speak to me in visions? Because it is.
And when He met me, when He showed me things behind these eyelids, how my Spirit soared. HOW IT SOARED.
That when I asked the
/Spirit of the Living God, come fall afresh on me,
come WAKE ME from my SLEEP,
BLOW THROUGH the CAVERNS OF MY SOUL,
pour in me to OVERFLOW,/
the words "I know where it hurts" appeared in my mind and I just broke down in His Presence. I was like flowing egg yolk. (Funny analogy but pretty apt.)
And when others say it is probably my own thoughts, that I'm making it up in my mind, I say to you with all my faith that the Lord HAS THE POWER to cause a deformed arm to REGROW AGAIN and to cause FLAMES OF FAITH to SHOOT OFF THE TOP OF ROOFS without causing the building to burn.
Right there, in the ballroom, we prayed against the spirit of cynicism and the spirit of envy and how He moved. Just, HOW HE MOVED. HOW HE HEALED. HOW GENTLY HE SPOKE. HOW THE HEARTS OF HIS PEOPLE MOURNED AND DECLARED THAT WITHOUT HIM THEY WERE FRAIL. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HOW THEY ROARED FOR THEIR YAHWEH.
What the Spirit has showed me and revealed to me is between Him and I and will only share with friends and family whom I sense will be edified by the testimony - but really, these glimpses of the God who has kept His covenant since the days of Abraham and Moses have WON MY HEART AND ERASED MY DOUBT.
I have a voracious hunger to understand the Word even more. I don't want it to burn out.
I want my works, my poetry, to speak of His praises. I don't want the people around me to praise my vocals, but to tell me how God used me in worship and how they were blessed by it. Don't get me wrong though, I am very grateful when people appreciate my voice but I want so much to be recognised as a woman after God's heart. I want so much to overflow for His glory, and not by my strength but by His grace alone.
Even after typing all this, I am reminded of the fact that Christians often sound presumptuous and perhaps come across as if they are of greater importance and on a higher spiritual plane than others.
I want to tell you that no, they are not entitled to being that way.
Even if you are a non-Christian friend of mine and you are reading this, I want you to teach me, to call me out when I am doing things that are wrong or things that hurt you - as long as you tell me, I will do all I can to make amendments even if I can't solve the situation entirely. Do you know what I am saying? That I will learn not just from Christ or my church friends - I will learn from everybody who is willing to teach me because that blesses me GREATLY. Because if I am to be crushed to produce the best oil - then by all means, teach me and discipline me, but with love.
I hope that all my non-Christian friends will be gracious with me.
Goodnight!
