I remember the night during ballet class when I was 7.
I had forgotten a few steps and Miss Sharon told me to stay back, and Miss Tracy told me to go through the whole set with her again.
Miss Sharon wrapped the class up and I had to stay back to continue learning.
I have never forgotten how she got absolutely irritated and disappointed with me during that one hour.
But I couldn't learn anymore. I couldn't even remember the first few steps of the routine.
It was as if all memory of it was wiped out of my brain.
I still remember the lighting and smell of the studio, the freezing aircon pricking my sweaty skin, the tension in my muscles I tried to get over second after second and Miss Tracy looking back at me, not understanding why I kept backing away subconsciously. I felt my feet shift towards the door but I couldn't do a thing about it but stare at her forehead and goldfish eyes. Miss Tracy was very kind. But I retreated because I was scared of her; because she was starting to change into Miss Sharon in my head.
I've been experiencing this same emotion for the past month, and I've been looking to escape, so much so that I've neglected my work trying to find comfort in circumstances that I have had to compromise for. I start to find myself looking at things around me. Like leaves, and wondering how beautiful it must to be a tree. You feel, but you don't speak. You sway in the wind and you are part of nature, which is peaceful. Not a part of an eternal conflict involving Man's pride and the need to be right. I look at sand and walls that are so strong, so quiet. Things that are non-living. With no expression and vibe that could pierce another.
The day you told me they wouldn't back down, I gave up.
Until the morning Li Feng told me: "Jesus was meek too."
I remember how much He loved his disciples, yet Peter denied Him 3 times and Judas betrayed Him and gave Him away to be crucified.
And that broke my heart to forgive, to have courage and strength to say I was sorry.
A lion does not always need to roar.
I could have no better comfort than you by my side.
From the day my heart was struck with fear to the night you called me to stop me from acting rashly. Till today, till tomorrow, till the end of this project, till the next year.
You have been the one for me, and you have been my destiny.
I love you.
Thank you for being a true friend.
