I'm going to try to sleep on the deck tonight,
I need a new perspective on things, a new change in environment
I wonder if I should just go to London for two nights and then back again

Nikki: "How do you feel after you write Liling? Do you feel calmer?"
"Not necessarily. I just-"
"You just bleed."
"Yeah."

I know what rants are, and I am not ranting.
I'm grumbling for no reason, even when the Bible tells me it's not good to do it, I know it's for my own good but who am I kidding - I don't even listen to my own mother
I hope to set aside a huge bulk of time to think things through
Instead of being "touch and go" with all these thoughts
I want to live the fantasy, I want to get lost and from there, start over
I can do that in this country, and I will do it because I can.

I am lonely but I don't think I need anymore company,
I just want to find a place that feels like home and
The space all around me is just too positive that the space in my head has become -ve x 100000000000
Do I have to move around all the time, because I haven't found anything in anyone
And certainly not myself, oh no no
So London town here I come

I miss my guitar

Leave me alone for a few days and I become lonesome. I feel pathetic. I wish I had a proper sibling. I'm fascinated by relationships between brother and sister, shared between those who hate each other and those who don't. I want to fight too. I feel like I've never learnt how to argue properly. Today I was wondering, that perhaps that's why I tend to seek out that particular someone to love; finding a lover compensates the loneliness I've always had as a child.

I'm such a loner that it scares me. Shawn says once you get used to it, it will be alright. I have lots of friends around, but I'm beginning to see how I use the time to escape from myself. There is something about you that makes me confront myself. Not that you're special, but you are, and I don't like it. There is something invasive about you, but I don't want you to leave. This isn't even me trying to be romantic, I just can't figure out all this conflict within this dumb little head of mine.

I teeter on the edge of losing control. Interpol makes me want to cry, but Interpol resonates with me so much more than any other band's music, so I want to wallow in these sad story worlds, in these sad songs. - Do I make sense? /Tonight I'm gonna rest my chemistry, tonight I'm gonna rest my chemistry. Is something fizzling out, because if it is then well, hello.

Leave me alone for a few days and I become lonesome. Have I told you that I feel pathetic.