Recovery x2

Wow, okay.
Class starts at 10 and I'm in school at 8.

I was wondering whether I should delete the previous post since I'm finally on the road to making my peace with God and all this crazy inner conflict.
But I'll let it be.
Life can't be backspaced away all the time anyway.

So.
March tested my patience.
Easter taught me to live and love again.
Wednesdays give me grace to make time for my parents, friends and myself.
The way new mornings bring such gorgeous light to my eyes show me He loves me and that He wants to show me many more beautiful things that are to come.
Shadows tell me they're there but that to exist, God must be there as well.
April asks for a chance to open my heart to new people again, and I will allow that to be done.

And here I find myself facing the question:
What good did being closed ever do for me?

And I can safely say that it did nothing (does this sound negative?).
Of course I liked it.
I've always loved being alone.
I've always been intrigued by the darkness, wishing I was born in the shadows.
I only wished that out of fear.
But I couldn't face anybody.
I went out of my room and saw my family and I finally remembered I'm still part of something good, something that loves me back.
I went to church and everyone was asking about me, telling me they missed me and although I hated the question of "Why haven't you been here for so long?", it was really nice to know that they thought about me and noticed that I hadn't been coming.
Being closed made me give up easily.
I gave up trying, gave up remembering, gave up loving.
Somehow I see my insecurity head on now- and I could've saved myself from so much if only I had let go and trusted.
But a broken and contrite heart is what He desires and being weak doesn't make me feel so weak anymore.

I'm thankful for Easter.
It reminds me that circumstances can never stand in the way of God.
And if God is with us, who can be against us?

Now to remain steadfast.