For Someone: It will get better.

Dear Someone,

You watch his Facebook for nothing, wanting to chance upon just a hint about how he may feel about you.
Sure, you can read his mind but you don't have full access to it.
To be in limbo, never knowing whether he feels the same way, or if God is the only one he loves.
It should be God, of course it should be, but there's you too.

Sometimes you wonder if you're believing in the same God he does just because he thinks it's right to be with someone who experiences the same spiritual abandonment.
But now abandonment is a word you will not and cannot face.
"Seasons in life", "seasons in life" -inserts f word- all the seasons in life can be overcome together.
You hum so beautifully and truly, yet you question why you assign melodies to these songs of worship when He can't even let you have him to yourself.

People ask you about it but how can you tell them?
This can never be described in words- you probably won't let it. It is a physical feeling, and you don't even know how you got here.
The first boy, the first kiss, the first sweetness.
Forgetting takes such a long time - where else could you store the memories and what good would they do?
Me mo ry
Sounds so Japanese, we shared something japanese.
Every note on your instrument is played for him but you mask it with bettering yourself.
Every step in your dance routine;
Routine: step, twirl, lift, look at us, look at life, am I too heavy for you?, hands tighten around your waist, no you are not and you look wonderful today, perfect landing.

Boys have to become men.
But you miss the boy, you want to see him as a man but you still miss the boy, your boy.
Time is a murderer, a separator, always the right one but as they say, not for this "season in life."
Push aside whatever they say, just dive into more pain -
Upon every miracle that you get to see him,
you still feel the same butterflies inside.
But your heart's wings are clipped down.

So Miss Mind has to take over now.
You say, "Hi."

Still, it will get better.
Just one line, a comma, and a fullstop.
But trust me.