dwelling

On every platform I express myself with, everything I have ever written about is an outpouring of how much I love and who I love.
And you may find that a girl's dreams are simple and girlish. With no ambition or anything that supports it.
I guess I pride myself in being a lover.
I love life, sure, but I love romance like mad.
And that's okay.

I talk about love and relationships a lot, because I've always been so mesmerized by it. Not the kind of love you see in movies, just real fighting and real making up again.
I've always been this way since I was young. I've always wanted a companion who could understand me inside out and live life with me in this way.

Realised that I date to marry.
I really do want to put my trust and faith in this man whom I hope to have a long-term relationship with or even possibly marriage, and perhaps I may even have the ability to worship this man..
Unfortunately, I have let that happen - and it has destructed me and brought me to a state of where I am so discontented with everything around me because I have shifted my focus from loving the Lord first.

Things have changed.
Because I finally and firmly know what I want in a man, and I will rely on this man to be the head of my household and a leader of my family. Who loves God, who wants to know Him more, and to be self-aware to the point that he knows when he is doing wrong.
I will never marry a man who lies to me or watches pornography behind my back. Yet should I fail to "assess" this man-of-my-dreams' qualities before I am engaged to him, then I will fight this battle with him.

But if, if you ever betray me, don't expect my love for you to be whole again.
Because I am imperfect and I do not wish to be known as noble for being the lover who forgave or anything of that sort - I just want you to know that I am a responsibility all on my own, and if you cannot handle me, give it up.
You think that it is unfair. I think that I love you enough not to do it, to not see a need for it anymore.