Love

Tonight at theatre: After watching White Light/Black Rain and remaining depressed for a whole hour, we watched I'll Give My First Love To You, a Japanese film.
I died at the part where Takuma said the boys saw Mayu's pink bra (because some jerks splashed water on her to make her white shirt see through) and he said he wanted to be the first to see it.
I got very inconsiderate with a few minutes of wailing.
Can't imagine how I'd react to anyone close to me passing away.

Anyway I tried to take a golden half picture of my dad cutting an orange for himself because believe it or not, I have never seen him cutting an orange before.
It's just little things like that that I love so much.
I was so disappointed when he had finished cutting it; I still had toothpaste in my mouth but I was too late. And I didn't wanna look freaky or spoil the moment so I just went out of the kitchen.

I know I'm biased towards my mom, I don't readily grab my camera to take pictures of what she does.
But while we were watching the atomic bomb documentary today, I imagined my mom under the rubble with her face burning and knew I'd die with her if that ever happened.
So I know I love my mom in my own way, even if I tell people I hate her sometimes.
I'm sad because it has come to a point in my life where I have stopped holding hands with my mom.
I am so, so sad about it but it is natural because I'm all grown BUT I'm still so sad about it.
What changed?
I can still hold my dad's.
Maybe it's because my mom has rejected my hands when I wanted to hold hers in secondary school.
She was fuming mad at me because she had to pay my overdue library fine.
I wanted to hold her hand but she said no.
Maybe it was that.