this is about me

My toilet is a place that I love, so I thought I'd share how much I cherish it in words. And all through writing, I was struggling with the idea of forgetting about someone. It was supposed to be funny but I forgot, you see. I remembered being sad in the end. Not a good feeling. Here goes:

My Toilet

My toilet is more than a toilet
It is second, though, to my room which is my personal sanctuary
But I will tell you about my toilet.

It is where I take them shits
And find faces on the cream colored marble wall
The patterns stretch on and on like telepathic veins;
They reach into my brain

There's that lioness with the single eye
And she looks on with such a fierce curiosity and vexation that makes me scared-
She looks like she's really into watching me pee
She looks just like you when you look at me

So this is about me
I see me in the mirror,
Laced with dangling earrings for
Every personality I choose to take on in the morning
And I wonder why my eyes feel a heat behind them
I say no, no
So I let my clothes slip off in my toilet,
I get quiet
And I caress my stretch marks softly, carefully
Like they could get angry and spread their claws upwards to choke my neck if I play the game wrongly
Stop when I feel trickling down my collarbones
And smile,
In my toilet

I shout at you when I am kissing the marble in the shower
There is a cemented line that holds it all together
And I imagine that to be your chest
But this is about me
So I lean against it
And make sure I say all the right things
So that it will stay intact and never split;
Not fall apart like we did

I squat down and the water helps
So we are making our way into my filthy mind
You holding my hand and me holding your crotch
And we are running, running,
Till you inch your way into my pink slit
Hit the wet walls in my head
And I like it
So, the water helps with the sound

I get up and pull my hair back
I say sorry God, sorry you
"I won't do it again, control control" in my toilet
But my knees, my voice and my faithfulness fails me
Still, we have to stop somehow
The second time I get up, liquid heat runs down my face
My eyes are burning, darling.

Sometimes I worship
I feel like angels visit me at the window when I sing,
When I sing out to the firmament to come fill this void in me
Wish I were that elusive squirrel's tree
Wish I were my mother's favourite bougainvillea bush
Wish I were with you, God
Why do you make me scream so much?
No one listens
In my toilet
I hear and hurt myself
That is not okay

My toilet
It keeps me
It keeps me and you
It is a place where we will never reconcile
My reality, my dream portal
I just thought you should know
I loved you with every heartbeat that surged its tired way through those veins
You see, those veins on the walls,
They keep me
This is about me, I promise.

--