Oh okay, I don't know but okay

Sometimes I just want to tell you no, you can't just leave me like that.

Many people have had to live without closure and I guess I'm one of those people.

You got through it without closure anyway.

Then again, I'm not like you.

Familiar night.

Where the breaking of my heart can only be heard through silence, and my hands wipe my face until I feel like my skin is going to tear off and these tired lids blink down hard.

The way they clank shut when I am looking at you.

Like taking secret photographs that turn into memories without you knowing.

I wish our eyes had camera functions.

Is chemistry built or is it just…there?

No, nothing defines you.

I don’t ask you to get this and watch that because you’ll seem cooler to me– I just don’t know what to talk about anymore. Why more like me and less like you, you ask. I wish I could be more like you but I’m selfish now. See, I’m self-centered now because once you refuse me, I refuse to be anything like you. But I still want you to talk to me.

(Wow, which you just did. And all we could talk about was… you convincing me to go sleep. Or at least try to sleep. See, the keywords are “me”, “try”, “sleep”. Me trying no, me sleeping not anytime soon. Me trying yes, me sleeping on this conversation right now. Me trying no, me missing everything we used to do yes. From heaven to hell and back to hell again and yes, all these I do with waterlogged eyes.) 

You make me run, make me hope, make me seek, make me sing, make me create- here I stop at create.

Conversation is so foreign now.

What are you, in a war?

Then you should include me in it.