pokemon

The weather has been so kind to us all, even to me.
It is a reality.
And reality has been what I have needed to face about myself, that what I am going through is real.
I couldn't sleep so I got up at 5 in the morning.
I went downstairs to try to solve the problem but I sat there again, in my sin.
I took a shower and I couldn't stop.
The only thing that held me together was the cold and the wall.
The light hurt my eyes and please I really do not mean to be gushy and neurotic but oh my god I am.
Why does the word 'sad' appear in the dictionary - it speaks way too little.
I'm in agony damn it.
I'm fucked over by it everyday.
Fucked over by habit, by need, by want, by helplessness, by the way you miss somebody...
my god.
I've watched myself cry and look at my hands, my face in disbelief but I cannot do anything.
My god my god
my God help

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How can everything change so quickly
How fleeting my emotions truly are
How I can feel so happy after watching a mere movie without weighing the severity and unrelieved continuance of my sickness against it
Everything around me is serene and calm except me
I am a storm
I need sex