It is a burning faith

March is coming to an end.
Hell is coming to an end, I think.
And surprisingly, what I've learnt as I pulled myself through everyday... is courage.
It is a word that was lost in my vocabulary and foreign to my lips but now I look at it and as I speak it, I can almost touch it.
I can wrap my heart around it.

M messaged me saying that the birthday video I made for her made her cry but above all that it gave her courage.
Hugeass word, courage.
I remember the trees, the light, the way my dress felt and how that one word resounded inside me.
Then I thought about how D was so safe.
I'm so safe.
So in the shower tonight I said thank You because I'm safe.
When I thought I was so lost in the desert, God had been providing me with so much shelter and although I've failed to see it, He was waiting patiently for me all along.
Faithfully.

And I remember how I finished the nightwalk at camp.
I braced myself and walked straight on. I finished it. Alone.
Yet all along I wasn't alone.
I will say this again: it is very sad that we cannot see how amazing we are inside.

"Now I've found, the greatest love of all is mine"

The song I sing is broken, but it is strong.
Like the melody my Jesus sang ever so quietly, ever so perfectly. Humanely.
Patience is not an excuse. Patience has made me tired but beautiful.
And I see how much I must die to myself to be refined.
It does not scare me; it makes me want more because it is so precious.
Do you know how precious it is to be made whole again? Over and over again
His work in me is not complete and I will wait, all my days.

"Your grace has found me just as I am, and I'm nothing but alive in Your hands"

God, although I suck myself dry
Thank You for filling me again
Even if I have so many holes in me
The way Your wine keeps on pouring into me abundantly,
The way You never give up on me -
It heals me. It changes me.
Who else could I live for besides You.
(Courage is a burning faith and mine burns bright tonight)