oh dear me

"But it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then."
- Alice In Wonderland

I have been forgetful, or trying to be at least.
I almost forgot to eat lunch - well I tried to push that out of my mind for awhile because it could do me some good even if you tell me not to and it's not the right way and you're not fat - whatever.
I have also tried to forget the person I am now, although new on the outside but a decayed carcass within.
But what you should praise me for is the fact that I have been trying to forget people because they've forgotten about me or who I once was or who I will always be.
I can't forget God though, I can't forget how He loves me.

Yet I can't forget how the chemistry between two people can fail so terribly though, I can't forget that no.
Nor the way I stand against the bathroom wall, stripped to the bone and feeling so broken.
Nor the way the reality of so much silence screams all day long in my ears.
I want my life back.
I don't care if it's drastic; sometimes people have to be hedonistic to be happy.
That's what Daren told me. I'll follow it. Cos it's the truth and I hope it sets me free.