Trusting like Tereza

The worst is over.

The sun is out and all the British are talking about it. The Singaporean in me just goes, "Tch, so what if there's sun? We get it all the time." Yeah. I'm trying to appreciate it. By not perspiring. Perspiring = unglam.
I've been reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being.
It's probably one of the most expositional books I've ever read, though you can't help but nod along as you flip page after page - Milan Kundera possesses an exceptional understanding of a woman's innermost desires, wants and needs. (Bet he's slept with loads of women before. Cheeky cheeky)
Throughout the book, it becomes evident why he chooses to include the intricate back stories of each character; through their histories, he shows how they influence each other in the bedroom, at home and in the workplace. Though sometimes it seems as if he has just rephrased his notes, done a little mind mapping here and there, linked several stories together and tadaaa - it's a book.
I've been asking myself if I'm more of a Tereza or a Sabina, and I'm probably a bit of both, though the way I approach love is very much like Tereza.
One thing that stands out to me about Tereza is her naivete, and how her way of keeping a man, or rather, making sure that their empire of love does not crumble, is sustained through her fidelity and faithfulness to him.
Sabina, on the other hand, is attracted to betrayal. And this is what makes Tereza a wife, and Sabina a mistress, whom men keep going back to.
The way Tereza copes with her jealousy is literally unbearable. I have to read the sentences several times, take a breather, then come back again. I know it's dramatic - but these feelings happen to most, or if not, all women. Tereza is blinded by love and is overwhelmed as she strives to live for Tomas, but 'sees' again after having sex with a random engineer dude she met at the pub. I love that this happened to her.
I'm a strong believer in learning from experiences - whether good or bad, whether they seem like a complete and pathetic joke to others.

Okay, just to put it out there - I am not trying to write a book review.
But this book is an experience in itself.

Recently, I've been asking myself what I want.
I've been trying to face made-up scenarios in my head, thinking through on how I'd react and some of the things I'd say.
There are speeches and mere one-word replies.
There is projected future sobbing, that one-tear-trickle, and if I'm lucky, explosions of laughter.
Then I look at the ceiling and wonder to myself, What do I really want? What's the problem?
The problem is doubt. It is not uncertainty of circumstances that gets me - I ride on it.
I'm sure you can agree that when you find a tear in either the trust you have in yourself or the trust you have in someone else, everything spins out of control. My mind has been spinning.
But to give power to doubt... it has drained me in an almost unexplainable way.
It borders on obsession, and with obsession comes distraction.

So this time round, I'm actually thankful that I'm excited about writing this play.
Tomorrow has its own fair share of worries, but the day isn't over yet. So I'll leave worry till tomorrow, till the next day, till the next week and till when I won't ever have to worry again.
I will learn to rise above my circumstances and to be far-sighted.

I also believe that the ones who get hurt through trusting are the ones who know what pure love is. It doesn't have to be romantic. It is naive. But I'd rather approach life this way, because that's how I live. I know that my personality remains as the type that can rise up to coping with that (future) hurt.
After all, it helps me to write better poetry :)