The words "I love you so much"
Are filled with so much wanting it hurts to speak them out loud
An intentional let-go so you may be happy
When we finally outgrow each other
I want to let you know I love you so much
But for now I'll still want you,
Want you when you're in another woman's bed
Bestowing her the same touch that set my body on fire
Want you when you're out there in the adult world
Never again will you be embarrassed of being short of anything
That just-right-sized, white and black house in woods not like ours here
Want you when you want some space to be away,
Away from earthly troubles and painful cuffs
Away from emotion and
me
Forgive me
Because I've looked too much for the sadness
In the both of us
And arranged questions in my head
Which answers would make you make me cry
Just to try to prove to us both
That you don't want me the way I want you
Yet all I've ever wanted was you to want me, that is all
Please look past the stupid games I play
And the blind pride I strive to feed;
The deeper I delve into you,
The more I don't know
Can't figure out the measure of my love
Can't make out the depth of yours
Yet I know how much you love me,
Somehow.
And all this I meant to say to you
When I told you,
"I love you so much."
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