Lately, all this fantasizing has been hurting my brain and I want it to stop.
We choose secret idols to obsess over, to share conversations with. In my head I'm next to you, looking at the stars and telling you, "Don't point at the moon, you'll find a cut behind your earlobe in the morning" - shit like that.
I want to cast down these reveries, but I find it incredibly hard to face reality/unnecessary situations I've recklessly nosedived into.
The worst thing is the way I abandon my heart - I do it without blinking. I thought I was cautious, I thought the verse "Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life" was a permanent post-it that got stuck to my brain... and now I don't know where that yellow piece of paper went.

Today was my last day at Ascot Life and I didn't feel anything.
It was great, but I struggled to yield my heart to Him.
I prayed, and I was sad. I sang, and I was still sad.
Normally, singing does the trick, so now I'm starting to be afraid of the fact that you might stick with me for a long, long time.
I am terrified. If I were a pug, I'd be whining and straining the shit out of my voice box. This pug doesn't even want to eat.
Dave saw a picture in his mind's eye and shared it today: We are standing at the front door of our homes greeting Jesus, saying, "Welcome" but we don't let him come in to sit and eat and talk with us; we reject his company.

I don't feel welcome when I think of you, nah uh.
Not a single bit at all.