een turn sheep

It's only the start of internship and I'm already thinking about what to write in each Thank You card to everyone at Sitting In Pictures.
I am so happy with the way my colleagues at work show me grace.
Happy was a rare word before the 17th. Joy kept me steadfast and helped me to persevere, but happiness was a temporary emotion I chased after and wanted so much - and now I have it.
(Of course, scoring Ken feels better than anything else in the world.
Scoring Ken is like being that really lucky winner at the arcade whose automated "picker" grabs his heart. Only that there are no other toys in the machine. Just, uh, Ken's bloody heart. Okay, maybe in fluffy cartoon form. In Mao form.)

"You're an intern, of course you're allowed to screw up."
"Of course you need 'grace', you screw up all the time."
"You always think you're holier than other people. You've done so much shit in your life already."

I don't know, I'm just going to sit and smile at you.

Anyway, this crew is amazing, and I'm not about to get all 'sian' about doing anything, even if I really need to pressurize the cameraman for the timecodes sometimes.
Because they don't deserve my sian-ness. Because they are that tough to tolerate and enjoy the work they really love.
I guess I only get sian when I'm stuck in my chair at the office, because I can really feel my butt growing bigger. But shoot days are fun as hell.
I really love these guys.
And it's only the second week.
Oh, the office has really nice biscuits too.

Thinking back, it's been awhile. And it's painful how I still hear your voice in my head.
From the person that everyone loves to revealing to me how ill-meaning you really are.
I want to let you know that you are a bad person and I will never take back these words.
I could give you words that know how to taunt, but the thought of you already makes me tired. You're like a bloody dementor.
The week after my encounter with you, I felt like humanity was a massive shithole sucking me into it.
I wasn't even tired of myself, I was just tired of being human.
I think sometimes we amplify our failures, but at other times, people amplify them for us.
These people are shitholes.
Of course I've learnt from you.
I've learnt to clean my butt and wash my hands thoroughly after shit like you is out.
Go dancing.
Which I did.