This marks another year gone by, which feels strange since the academic year starts in September and ends in December. June feels like it was ages ago, like it was 2013, when I was still working at Sitting In Pictures, thinking of what university was going to be like.
I can't believe that I'll be going home in a few days, back to see the faces I love so much. And just to spend time with them, to enjoy their company over great food.
It's 2 in the morning and I want to cry - but it's because I'm filled with so much joy.
Because Facebook makes us more judgmental, I tend to skim past the posts that go "oh I'm so grateful for this and that". I take things for granted all the time, and I haven't actually had the chance to properly thank the people around me and most of all, God, for His faithfulness.
I say "thank you" everyday - but to feel it. To feel it is a whole different thing.
Because it makes me want to reciprocate. It makes me want to do something for you, to honour what you've done for me - and the frustrating and most unreasonable thing is that there's nothing you can do to make people or God love you more. That's favour right there.
You get me, I'm so grateful I could burst.
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"Pre-baptism selfie"
Also, I got baptised yesterday (I HAD A BAPDAY, geddit geddit) and as I was led to fall
backwards into the water, time stopped. I could see the water rushing towards me even as my eyes were closed, and it was the most beautiful form of healing I had ever experienced. I know how relaxing it is to lie in a warm bath, okay. This was different. Coming back up from the surface, there was a breaking out of tongues from within, and I just took comfort in the fact that getting baptised was the best thing I could do. Like Nikki said, "When I said baptism feels like marriage, I literally just realised then that today was more important than my wedding day."
I mean, W.O.W.
Homies and I celebrated over Runnymede Chicken after :")
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God has been the most faithful friend throughout it all.
It feels funny to think of God as a friend. My relationships with people are very defined - especially with my father. It's strange to think of my dad as a friend. It's probably because it's an unspoken thing, and come to think of it, my dad is actually one of my bestest friends evaaar. I mean, we ate expired chocolate together and swore, "you die, I die". That's friendship, ...right? Ok back to the point. I want to say that throughout these three months, and like every season in life, there have been highs and lows - and I mean really high highs and pretty deep, low lows. But every single step of the way, at every milestone, God gave me a group of girlfriends (mah baes) from the start till finish and as I was sitting on the toilet just now (enjoying a poo), I couldn't even fathom the amount of emotional support they've given me. I sat there thinking: I'm actually SWAMPED WITH LOVE from everywhere; from above and all around! I get that some friends don't journey with us forever. But man, this was one hell of a journey, even over the span of three months. And shit happens at uni, we all know that. Things pass by us so quickly; we can't keep tab on everything that happens and on why things happen. But these angels stop to make me think, to make me see that my time spent with them will be what I miss the most after I graduate.
Then it suddenly hit me that the one person I felt I was most faraway from has fulfilled his promise from afar: Christ drew near to me while I felt the driest, and even then, I kept trying. And you don't get how crap I am at even trying. It's literally the tiniest effort where I just flop down onto my bed and ask God whywhywhy and please save me and Father I'm tired of life - then boom, I'm asleep. But the whole drawing near to Him thing was a prayer I didn't know I had been focusing on and which, strangely, had also been a theme that kept popping up at Ascot Life for weeks. James 4:8 says, "Come near to God and he will come near to you." Why did I ever doubt that You wouldn't do that for me?
Through all this, He has shown me that
He is a God who journeys with us.
And we need to choose who journeys with us. Yesterday morning, David, Nikki and I sat to talk. "You have to be careful with who you get close to; they can either be a huge blessing or cause you a lot of emotional pain. The best relationships start from friendship." Yeah. I kept nodding.
From Exodus 14:
"And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and he will pursue them. But I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord."
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
Today in Physical Theatre, Dick said, "torn muscles take time to heal." Mm. I am not afraid of Pharaoh and his hardened heart or of the armies that might come against me, because my heart is made out of flesh. I am not afraid of the crap that I've let in, because even though I feel it and it lingers, it is no longer evil, and it is not longer toxic. All because my heart is made out of flesh: and the One who owns it is fiercely jealous for me; ferocious in might; strong in love; joyful and bright as the morning sun. This was a great birthday/bapday, because it wasn't about me. He gets all the glory in the end. ...I just got goosebumps, eep!
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| 21st Party: E is for Ezzat is for Effort |
November has definitely been the craziest month out of all three this term. (December doesn't count. I'm practically in holiday mode already.) And the good that came out of it all was worth it in the end. It was exhausting - but God's never late! I need to remember that and stop being so impatient all the time........ Amidst all these God-centered events, I also threw a pretty wild 21st Underwater-themed party! Met cool new people and MY BEST SG REPRESENT PARTY POSSE TURNED UP WITH SO MANY PRESENTS and I swear there was a point in time when everyone was just chanting "SINGAPORE, SINGAPORE, SINGAPORE" hahahaaa. I remember knocking out for awhile (apparently it was 3 hours but it felt like 30 minutes to me) before I went back down, still drunk off my face, happily declaring that the party was over. I remember seeing + eating pineapple, lots and lots of it. Also, Georgie's water speakers were SO COOL. Added to the whole atmosphere - and everyone liked the jellyfish-inspired lantern that Nikki helped to decorate. The amount of Blutack that went into all this was NUTS. And everyone had fun!!! AND OH WOW THE AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL. WE STILL HAVE CANS OF BEER IN THE FRIDGE PLUS A WHOLE BOTTLE OF VODKA. ?!?!?! Surprised that our kitchen and living room turned out to be pretty good space for the amount of people that showed up. Shall throw another when I'm less broke. $$$
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| Hi Lamby <3 |
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| After-party breakfast |
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| Mark's caption: "Home" |
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