all i want

Been walking around failing.

Yes failing.

This way and that.

Back to back.

(My life isn’t like a word document. I can’t write it, then edit, then delete and start anew.)

Things have been done and I can’t look back.

But I can look forward.

I’m scared though.

I’m not content with anything. I get bored easily.

I need oxygen but I deny myself of it.

Life is simple when you have God. But it has become complicated for me.

Trying to settle my own problems in my head.

Is it the thinking or the wanting or the trying or the loving or the hoping or the what what. What the fuck is it. Or is it the language. What the ears hear?? No?

I don’t know what to believe in anymore and I am sick and tired.

Oh you’ve heard these words so much. Sick and tired sick and tired and sick and sick again and tired wow all over again.

So many times.

Feels like I can’t get enough sleep, can’t get enough of you, of the things people do and say and whisper

So afraid of wastage, of wasting away until I am no longer remembered or seen.

I should keep very quiet for awhile to listen.

I just can’t get enough.

Incoherence is new to me.

Self-control where are you.